I'm going to get really drunk tonight.So… lovely Benjamin over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster has put it upon his readers to admit to their best drunk/hangover story. Since my memory sucks complete ass I probably don’t have the best recollection on my finest drunk moments (that is something you’d have to ask the hubs or sis, I’m sure they have PLENTY) but I do remember one particular instance which I think is a hilarious drunk story.
It all started out when we found out our beloved People’s Bar & Grill in Ames was going to be closing its doors due to their lease not being renewed. People’s was our all time favorite bar hangout through college w/ live music, touch screen “adult” games, pool, darts and fooz. What more could you need? It was the best place ever for FAC and we could always be found there. So when we heard that it was going to be closing at the end of May we decided that we needed one big last shebang there. So I pack up for my weekend road trip south and meet up w/ Kara and Jessica in Ames.
We begin the night out at O’Malley’s for some great Mexican food and plenty of margaritas. They were delicious and we were already buzzed when we left there to head to People’s. We walk in the doors and it’s just like old times. The smell of rotten beer spilled on the floors and never completely cleaned up felt just like home. (Okay, not like home, but you get the picture)
Our old bartender/friend, Phelps, is still working his magic behind the bar even! And so the night begins.
We are ordering beers and downing them fast while playing pool and listening to The Nadas (who happen to be one of the greatest bands ever) live. It really couldn’t get any better, but it does.
My great friend Mandy (aka Thriller Miller) shows up too! By this time in the night we are sloppy drunk, but happy sloppy drunk and therefore things are perfect! 
Then Kara heads to the bathroom and the night changes for the worse. In the bathroom she encounters what can only be described as UglyCougarCuntFaceWhore. UCCFW is piss ass drunk. And she’s no happy drunk. She’s belligerent, raving mad, lunatic drunk just looking to cause some drama. We feel we are too old to be in a college bar (we are 28 at the time) and UCCFW is WAY too old to be in a college bar especially being that she is raging drunk.
As Kara is applying her lipstick in the bathroom mirror UCCFW shoves her out of the way, slurs something not completely understandable but yet completely uncalled for and starts washing her hands like she owns the bathroom. Kara, being the nice person she is, decides to say “excuse you” to UCCFW and walk out. This should have been the end of it all, but UCCFW had other ideas. Once she emerges from the bathroom she ends up standing feet away from us and bitching about Kara’s actions in the bathroom. Now this gets me pissed. And when I’ve been drinking you really shouldn’t piss me off. So I turn around to face UCCFW and tell her off. This results in some shit slinging going back and forth and things were quickly escalating. I was moments away from throwing my drink in her nasty ass cougar hair. Lucky for us we have the bartender on our side.
Phelps walks up and asks what the problem is. UCCFW tries to tell him that we are bitches (but he knows we're cool and she's a lying fuckface). So we explain that she is an uglycougarcuntfacewhore who needs to be kicked the hell out. Phelps decides to ask if we can tolerate being in the bar w/ her as long as she stays confined to the opposite side of the bar. We relent and say that is acceptable but she’d better not step near us or I’ll break this cue stick up her ass and she’ll never walk right again. So she and her friend (who was actually apologizing for her over and over) are banished to the bad side of the bar. Victory!
Fast forward to closing time. I am dying of hunger (i.e. wasted) and need to have a gyro from the gyro cart right away. Kara and Jess are finishing up a game of pool. So I tell them to finish up and meet me out at the gyro cart. I step outside, order my gyro, take a seat on the curb and dig in, only to hear someone say “there’s that bitch”. I look up and see UCCFW and her friend standing in front of me. Oh no she didn’t. No one better call me a bitch w/o having the balls to back it up. My drunk ass promptly stands up and begins the shit slinging again. This goes on for approximately 2 minutes and a crowd has formed around us. UCCFW is in my face and her friend is standing next to her trying her hardest to get her to shut her ugly pie hole and go home, however she’s not having it. Finally I tell her to go the hell home b/c it is past her bedtime being that she is an old hag. I take my half eaten (and delicious) gyro, raise it up in the air and smash it on her chin and smear it down her neck. She freezes. She has cucumber sauce and cheese crumbles stuck to her chin and neck. She is speechless (finally!) and her friend gets in between us and the crowd pulls us apart. As someone is dragging her ass away her friend continues to apologize to me for her obnoxious behavior and a random guy gives me his phone number. He says he thought that was the most awesome thing he’s ever seen and wants me to call him to hang out b/c I mean, it's obvious I'm pretty cool since I just smashed a gyro in a drunk bitches face. And the best part of it all was Kara and Jess walked out of the bar right when I was raising my gyro in the air so they got to see the action too.
"Oh Snap!"
I promptly ordered myself a new gyro and enjoyed it thoroughly. A victory gyro. Delicious!
I wonder if she woke up the next morning and could remember why she smelled like rotten cheese and gyro sauce…
It all started out when we found out our beloved People’s Bar & Grill in Ames was going to be closing its doors due to their lease not being renewed. People’s was our all time favorite bar hangout through college w/ live music, touch screen “adult” games, pool, darts and fooz. What more could you need? It was the best place ever for FAC and we could always be found there. So when we heard that it was going to be closing at the end of May we decided that we needed one big last shebang there. So I pack up for my weekend road trip south and meet up w/ Kara and Jessica in Ames.
We begin the night out at O’Malley’s for some great Mexican food and plenty of margaritas. They were delicious and we were already buzzed when we left there to head to People’s. We walk in the doors and it’s just like old times. The smell of rotten beer spilled on the floors and never completely cleaned up felt just like home. (Okay, not like home, but you get the picture)
Our old bartender/friend, Phelps, is still working his magic behind the bar even! And so the night begins.We are ordering beers and downing them fast while playing pool and listening to The Nadas (who happen to be one of the greatest bands ever) live. It really couldn’t get any better, but it does.
My great friend Mandy (aka Thriller Miller) shows up too! By this time in the night we are sloppy drunk, but happy sloppy drunk and therefore things are perfect! 
Then Kara heads to the bathroom and the night changes for the worse. In the bathroom she encounters what can only be described as UglyCougarCuntFaceWhore. UCCFW is piss ass drunk. And she’s no happy drunk. She’s belligerent, raving mad, lunatic drunk just looking to cause some drama. We feel we are too old to be in a college bar (we are 28 at the time) and UCCFW is WAY too old to be in a college bar especially being that she is raging drunk.
As Kara is applying her lipstick in the bathroom mirror UCCFW shoves her out of the way, slurs something not completely understandable but yet completely uncalled for and starts washing her hands like she owns the bathroom. Kara, being the nice person she is, decides to say “excuse you” to UCCFW and walk out. This should have been the end of it all, but UCCFW had other ideas. Once she emerges from the bathroom she ends up standing feet away from us and bitching about Kara’s actions in the bathroom. Now this gets me pissed. And when I’ve been drinking you really shouldn’t piss me off. So I turn around to face UCCFW and tell her off. This results in some shit slinging going back and forth and things were quickly escalating. I was moments away from throwing my drink in her nasty ass cougar hair. Lucky for us we have the bartender on our side.Phelps walks up and asks what the problem is. UCCFW tries to tell him that we are bitches (but he knows we're cool and she's a lying fuckface). So we explain that she is an uglycougarcuntfacewhore who needs to be kicked the hell out. Phelps decides to ask if we can tolerate being in the bar w/ her as long as she stays confined to the opposite side of the bar. We relent and say that is acceptable but she’d better not step near us or I’ll break this cue stick up her ass and she’ll never walk right again. So she and her friend (who was actually apologizing for her over and over) are banished to the bad side of the bar. Victory!
Fast forward to closing time. I am dying of hunger (i.e. wasted) and need to have a gyro from the gyro cart right away. Kara and Jess are finishing up a game of pool. So I tell them to finish up and meet me out at the gyro cart. I step outside, order my gyro, take a seat on the curb and dig in, only to hear someone say “there’s that bitch”. I look up and see UCCFW and her friend standing in front of me. Oh no she didn’t. No one better call me a bitch w/o having the balls to back it up. My drunk ass promptly stands up and begins the shit slinging again. This goes on for approximately 2 minutes and a crowd has formed around us. UCCFW is in my face and her friend is standing next to her trying her hardest to get her to shut her ugly pie hole and go home, however she’s not having it. Finally I tell her to go the hell home b/c it is past her bedtime being that she is an old hag. I take my half eaten (and delicious) gyro, raise it up in the air and smash it on her chin and smear it down her neck. She freezes. She has cucumber sauce and cheese crumbles stuck to her chin and neck. She is speechless (finally!) and her friend gets in between us and the crowd pulls us apart. As someone is dragging her ass away her friend continues to apologize to me for her obnoxious behavior and a random guy gives me his phone number. He says he thought that was the most awesome thing he’s ever seen and wants me to call him to hang out b/c I mean, it's obvious I'm pretty cool since I just smashed a gyro in a drunk bitches face. And the best part of it all was Kara and Jess walked out of the bar right when I was raising my gyro in the air so they got to see the action too.
"Oh Snap!"I promptly ordered myself a new gyro and enjoyed it thoroughly. A victory gyro. Delicious!
I wonder if she woke up the next morning and could remember why she smelled like rotten cheese and gyro sauce…
Don't be a Jonze! http://www.jonzed.com/
7 comments:
Oh man, oh man...
This one's a doozy.
I may have gotten to see you smash it in her face but damn if I remember it. Too wasted dang it. But it sure looks like I'm enjoying my gyro after that too. I think I even have the sauce on my shirt in that pic. Haha! That was a fun night! And a classic drunken Kellie story. Love it. Thanks for sticking up for me, Kel. I know I can always count on you! :) RIP Peoples in Ames. Glad Peoples is now in DSM! Yippee! Which, we need to go there soon... We need a new drunken Kellie story!!!
Everyone loves a post with drunk pictures.
Oh, Peoples. What a great, great, great bar! I was there for 'closing night'. Quite the shitshow.
[...Let's check out the entries, shall we?...]
That was a hilarious story! Gyros + beat downs = amazing!
Haha, this is just like a drunken night in Halifax, except replace gyros with donairs and beat downs with slurring obscenities while we run away from the police.
That is how we roll.
People's sounds like it was a good bar that has been very missed.
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