Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Peeing on Your Coffee Table

So I’ve got a funny story to tell but I’ve been taking some time to try to put it together b/c I don’t want to name names due to some possible embarrassment. In all honesty I think it is funny now that it is all over with. So…how do I begin?

It all started last Friday night. Wade and I decided to have some friends over to celebrate after the trick or treating was done with. It ends up being a good sized group of people hanging out in our garage and drinking some tasty beverages. We all end up getting pretty toasted. The night is getting late and it has dwindled down to just 2 guests left. They were going to get a cab but being that it is Halloween the cab companies were busy and there was no way they were going to be getting one to drive out to the burbs to take them home at 2 am. So we head inside and start playing drunk Mario Kart and Guitar Hero. I end up crashing on our couch shortly after that.

Around 5 am I awake to a weird sound. It takes me a moment to realize I passed out in the family room and I’m not alone. I soon realize that the sound I’m hearing is a dripping noise. I look up to see Raul* on his knees and peeing on our coffee table. WTF? I begin screaming “No Raul! No! Stop!” He looks up all bleary eyed and says “Huh?” I run to the kitchen and grab a handful of paper towels and throw them at him and then run off to find an old towel to use. When I come back into the family room I see a puddle of pee on the rug where all the pee ran off of the coffee table and I see Raul trying to wipe up the pee from the table top. During all of this I’m still not even sure if he is awake or not (he was pretty drunk). I sop up the pee puddle on the rug and look around. Raul’s gotten the pee on the table wiped up and things seem to be cleaned up good enough for now. I get a blanket for Raul and he lays back down on the couch and I head upstairs to bed. I wake Wade up from his deep slumber and tell him what just happened downstairs but he is so tired it barely registers.

The next day Wade asks me what was I saying to him in the middle of the night about pee on the coffee table. I explain to him that I awoke to find Raul peeing on our coffee table in a drunken stupor. He laughs it off until he realizes that some pee may have dripped through the middle of our table and into the storage compartment under it. Our table opens up to a drawer under it for storage and it has a crease in the center in order for it to open and I didn't even think of that in my frantic state of clean up. As Wade slowly pulls up the table leaf he says that if Raul peed all over the inside of the table he’s going to freak. He sees 2 little wet spots the size of quarters on a board game. Thank goodness that is all that dripped inside. We promptly sanitized the board game and everything in the near vicinity. Pee be gone!

The funny thing about Raul is that this is not his first drunken pee incident. He had one in a hotel room corner as well. And one time when he drunk passed out at our house he slept walked and took a shower at 3 am. I was still up and thought it must have been Wade taking a shower so I open the bathroom door and say “Wade?” and get a response of “No”. That was a surprise. So we have a trashed shower taker and party pee-er friend on our hands. He now has to be supervised when getting trashed at our house, either that or wear diapers.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the party pee-er.