Drinking Lessons I've Learned

Things you should not do when drunk:

• Think you are a tough ass mo-fo (you could end up w/ a black and blue hand which is now turning green)


• Go shopping, including iTunes (Good for me, bad for our checkbook!)


• Dye your hair (mine has never turned out good after a few drinks)


• Handstands (you'll just fall on your head, trust me, Wade did)


• Learn how to unicycle


• Text (way too many things can go wrong w/ this situation)


• Eat entire medium pizzas from Domino’s and not share w/ anyone (I can be a greedy fat ass)


• Dance with a pool cue like you are a member of the flag squad (attractive I know)
  


• Drive (you may just forget where you parked your car, think it’s been towed, call your Dad to come pick you up only to see your car in a totally different location than where you thought it was and then have your Dad bitch you out b/c you are a stupid ass)


• Ride motorcycles (he crashed shortly after this)


• Throw up in front of your friends (oops)


• Turn into a meat-stick and pick stupid and useless fights w/ your significant other and try to move out in the middle of the night


• Take drunk pictures w/ a camera you found at a wedding only to figure out who it belonged to and give it back to them before remembering to erase the pictures


• Address Christmas cards (unless you have a lot of extra envelopes!)


• Climb up/down things (this quickly became a very scary situation for me)


• Eat pickled eggs (or pickled anything for that matter, nastiness overload, I about vomited 5 seconds after this picture was taken)


• Pee on my coffee table (or anywhere in my house other than a toilet)


• Get a tattoo

Things that are more fun when you are drunk:

• Video games (anyone up for some drunk Wii or Big Buck Hunter???)


• Dressing like a pimp


• Lipsynching to 80's songs (Madonna's greatest hits is my personal favorite)


• Walking in the cold/snow (somehow you just don’t feel the cold)


• Pretending you have short penis straw arms
  


• Eating (everything tastes SO DAMN GOOD!)


• Skinny dipping (sorry no pictures of this!)


• Putting makeup on your passed out friends (they look SO pretty!)


• Hiding in foliage


• Dancing


• Wearing fake facial hair


• Meeting new people


• Drawing fake tattoos on people


• Sticking your head out of the window while driving


• Working out (Katie really worked her pecs!)


• Taking pictures of your drunk passed out husband


• Hiding a deck of cards w/ pictures of naked men on them all over your friends house (sorry Tony & Tera! Look very closely at the center of the fridge...)


• Tailgating!!!


• Cooking (this could also fit on the top list but since I don’t cook much, I go by the saying “I like to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food”)


• Beer bongs (duh)
  
  


• Putting pool cue chalk on your face


• Wrestling


• Cake fights


• Okay, you got me, just about EVERYTHING is more fun when you've been drinking

So, what do you guys have to add to either of these lists???