I’ll Never Get Those 2 Hours of my Life Back

(Please note before you read this, there is a large amount of swearing coming up. I apologize. However, if you know me, this should not come as a surprise and if it offends you stop reading now. Easy enuf.)

Some of you who know my husband know he is quirky and silly. He sure makes me laugh (most of the time) and he is always up to have fun. Ever since I’ve known him he’s always talked about this movie made back in 1974 that is “freaking hilarious”. Somehow he miraculously found this movie on http://www.amazon.com/ and promptly ordered it. All for a steal at only $10 (and that includes S & H!) So I believed him when he said it was funny. I mean he is a funny man after all, and he says I am funny (which, duh, I am), so I assumed he knew what funny was. That was until last night when the movie arrived and he graciously waited for me to return from my errands before he started watching it. Thanks hun.

Enter ‘Dolemite’

So the basis of this movie, to put it simply, is about a pimp who was framed and jailed(Dolemite) and told he will get his freedom if he helps the cops find out who is selling illegal firearms and drugs on the streets. Being the badass that he is, his oldest and wisest ho, Queen Bee, has already trained all of his hookers to be kung fu killers to help him. Basically what happens from there is a lot of unnecessary humping, horribly unskilled fighting, terrible sound editing (I know, it’s from 1974), and an unimaginable amount of swearing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know you are all saying “But Kellie, you swear like a sailor”. Shit, I know folks, I know. However, when every other sentence is “This is Motha Fucking Dolemite” or “I’m Motha Fucking Dolemite” or “I’m Dolemite, Motha Fuckers”, it gets a little old. Now don’t get me wrong, not everything about this movie was bad. The outfits in it were awesome. And some of the fighting scenes were so terribly bad that they were funny, but those were the only good things about it really. Take a looksee…
The 'fro says it all.
Here is Dolemite w/ his Kung Fu Killers right before he makes a man “Dance, Motha Fucker, Dance! Man, he’s got rhythm ladies, don’t he?”
Nice pimp hat, Mother Fucker!
Now don’t he look like the perfect pimp? The Kung Fu Killers really love him.
Oh wow, no words to describe this.
One of the several bad fight scenes
The hat, the bow tie, the jacket piping, it’s all priceless.
(Yes, this is an actual quote from the movie)

Anyway, needless to say, I didn’t really see what all Wade was finding “freaking hilarious”. Tell me now, have I lost my sense of humor? I thought the entire movie was just ridiculously bad. Terrible. Horrendous. A giant waste of the 2 hours spent watching it. So, who can I talk to about getting those 2 hours of my life back? And if the movie really was funny (God, forbid) where can I find my sense of humor since I seem to have checked it at the door? Hmmm...

*Update: No way. While searching for pictures to post on this blog entry I found out that there is a sequel called “The Dolemite Explosion” due out in 2008. This can’t be true. Seriously?