Dem People Up Der In Da Nort Shur Know How Ta Partay

Our annual trip up to Bessemer this year surely did not disappoint. In fact it flat out kicked ass. More specifically, it kicked my ass.

The weekend began with a bang on Thursday night when my sister (Kara) and Adro arrived. We promptly opened some beers and began our Guitar Hero playing. Adro sucked at it, but that’s okay b/c not everyone can be a rock star like myself. Guitar Hero led to Mario Kart which Adro was better at and more and more drinks were consumed. We knew we had to get up early to hit the road by 9am and travel north but that didn’t stop us from staying up until nearly 3am. Needless to say, the wake up call Friday morning came very early.

Our caravan loaded up and headed to Uptown Bar for what was supposedly the best breakfast around and by golly it sure as hell was. Adro and I got a gyro omelet which could only be described as the size of a football (I’m not kidding), Wade got a ham and cheese omelet with tons of ham chunks the size of ping pong balls (again I’m not kidding) and everyone else’s meals were just as large. It was ridiculous how much food we got. Thankfully the screwdriver I got with breakfast definitely helped me kick the queasiness from the night before and we hit the road.

Once on the road we realized we packed the cooler w/ all our drinks in the back of the van so we promptly asked Wade to haul his molesterrific van over to the side and bring our cooler up front. Being the courteous chauffeur he was, he graciously did as asked and our drinking began for realsies. By the time we made it to Bessemer (approx 4 hour drive) we had consumed 2 big mugs full of Captain/Pepsi and a 24 ouncer of Miller Lite and I was quite positive my bladder was going to burst upon stepping out of the van. I sucked it up and ran inside the Abbey like I was on going to piss out of every orifice if not given a toilet NOW and luckily I made it.

To be completely honest with you a lot of Friday night is a blur. I have quite a few pictures that piece parts of it together. I know I played Euchre twice and won 1 game and lost the other.

I know there was some dancing,

some hair air vent blowing,

some booty tappin,

and some face licking.

I also know I passed out around 11pm. You may be saying that I am a total wuss but I’d like you to know I outlasted a good percentage of the people there AND I had been drinking for 14 hours. Come on now! 14 hours is ridiculous! I haven’t done that kind of drinking in ages! I’m proud of us. (I also threw up, but we’ll leave most of the details of that out. Thanks hun for taking care of my pukey face. Nuf said.)

Saturday morning was hellish. A lot of the group got up and went skiing/boarding but not me. Kara, Adro and I stayed holed up until about 2pm sleeping, resting, cleaning up and getting rid of our hangovers. But by 2pm we were so hungry we were going to eat our faces off so we finally ventured out and got some Little Caesar’s. I must say right now that Little Caesar’s is the bomb diggity. Seriously it is so flipping good. And we hadn’t really eaten anything since our huge breakfast the day before so we were starving Marvins! After eating and getting some Sobe Adrenalines (the best energy drinks out there) we headed back to the Abbey and made our first beverages. We also made up a card game that we call “Shit Balls”. Best drinking game ever. No brain needed to play. We rule.

Everyone began coming back from their ski/board adventures and the drinking games began. Card games, flippy cup, quarters, you name it and it was probably played. Kara passed out at 6:15. How do I know this? B/c I was carrying my iPhone everywhere and put a note in it that said exactly that. Along w/ a note that says “You’ll poop badly tomorrow”. I have no idea what that means but its funny b/c it says poop. So in a period of approximately 3 hours Kara drank so much she passed out and I drew the best tattoo ever of a tree on her side. I think it’s my best work yet! What do you think? And how do you like the side boob? :)

We woke her up about an hour later and she was good to go again. We made macaroni and cheese w/ bacon (that had fallen on the floor) and Hormel chili and hash browns. Yes, all of this was mixed together and even in my drunken state it tasted disgusting. Sam slipped and fell on the floor where the bacon had dropped b/c of all the grease which was hilarious and I wish we would have gotten it on video.

There was scissoring (notice Kara and I's legs),

boob grabbing,
crotch grabbing,
and unicycling.
And in general all sorts of things that most sober people would not even dream of. It was GRAND! We made it to the Pit Stop bar and Wade unicycled the whole way there. That is talent! We had a few more before they kicked us out (and Sam passed out at the table)
and then headed back to the Abbey. This night I was up until 3:30am. Thankyouverymuch. I CAN hang.