So Tacky I Just Couldn't Resist!

Sorry, I wasn't going to post again until next week and let everyone enjoy the Halloween weekend w/o a bunch of random crud from me. That was until I saw this:
http://dlisted.com/node/29040

This just goes to prove money doesn't buy class. Even the little girls are showing skin. All I can say is wow, ick.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I believe in this statement b/c for this post I’m going to be letting them do the talking. I don’t really feel like writing all that much. I could tell you about the other weekend when my loving husband tried to kill me by bringing me mountain biking in Lebanon Hills where I proceeded to have near head on collisions w/ at least 19 trees, ran into 23 rocks, almost fell off a cliff to my side a half dozen times and had to stop and walk over boulders the size of my car and I’m never going back. Or I could tell you about going down to Des Moines last weekend for ISU’s homecoming game where we got to spend a whole day tailgating and drinking too much. Or how I feel like lately I’m becoming suffocated by babies. Babies, babies EVERYWHERE! But I have a mountain of laundry that is as tall as I am and so instead I’m just going to post some pictures and hope you enjoy.
As promised here is Kobe in his lil piggie Halloween costume. He hates it, I love it. I win.

Here's the fam! Wade, Me (w/ Kobe), my Dad, my Mom, & Kara (w/ Otis)

Otis is from da hood (this pic makes me laugh so much!)

Here is my cutie neighbor, Hunter, in his karate garb. He did SO good at his karate show he got a trophy that is as big as he is!

And here is Kobe as I type this; sitting on the desk and watching me type. He keeps trying to lick my fingers which is making it all the more difficult. Just another reason why I don’t want to write much tonight.








Well I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween weekend and do drink too much! I’m off to the laundry hell hole.

Petco Poopin

Today I've got a little sumthin sumthin for you in the form of the 2 cutest Chihuahuas ever. I present to you Kobe and Otis' 2008 Halloween picture. It was Kobe's 6th b-day on Saturday so Wade and I took him and his cousin Otis to Petco to pick out some b-day treats. Lucky for us they were also doing Halloween photos for $5 which went to benefit the Raccoon Valley Animal Sanctuary. How could I say no to that? So without further ado...

Happy Howl-oween from Kobe and Otis!

Right before this picture was taken Kobe dropped a big duece right on the floor in the middle of Petco. Why he holds it until he gets in the store is beyond me. It's the 2nd time he's done it and it's the 2nd time I've acted like he wasn't my dog and had Wade take care of it. I'm getting good at the duck and hide technique. Hehehe...

And that’s all I got for you today. Sorry. I’m tired. Get over it.

A Little Bit of High School Bitchy

Two of the greatest combine!!!

Kobe and the Hot Dog Cover Up

I'm a naughty little boy & I know it.

Thanks to Ben’s post about his dogs getting into his trash over the weekend I’ve been reminded of one of the funniest things Kobe has ever done in his 6 years with us (and he does a lot of funny and silly things). Stop reading now if you could care less about dog stories. Although I think this ones a goodie.

Kobe wasn’t even a year old yet and he was probably around 5 pounds of cuteness. Wade and I shared an apartment with my sister, Kara, and our friend, Lindsay. Kobe was in that phase that puppies have where they get into EVERYTHING. We all had to keep our doors closed so that he couldn’t get into our rooms and demolish our shoes, underwear, everything. We had gotten to the point that we could leave him out of his kennel when we were going out for a bit and he behaved himself for the most part. This one time in particular though not so much.

The Devil made me do it.

Wade and I came home to find trash spread throughout the kitchen, dining room and family room. It was everywhere. What was it in the trash that could have smelled so delicious to Kobe that he NEEDED to get in there? Damn dog. As we begin picking up the trash we notice an empty hot dog wrapper. Then we remembered that we had thrown out a package of old hot dogs earlier that day. I couldn’t remember how many we had thrown out but I know it was at least 3 but probably more. Wade and I stared in shock at our small dog. How could a 5 pound dog eat 3 or more hot dogs? And these were the long hot dogs nonetheless! What a piggie! Kobe just rolled on the ground looking at us with his fat belly which appeared like he had swallowed a softball. Well, that explained his swollen stomach. He looked miserable so I decided that was punishment enough. He had definitely stuffed himself silly.

Do you have any more hot dogs in here?

After we had all the trash picked up Wade and I settled onto the couch to watch a movie. Kobe, probably worn out from stuffing his pie hole, sprawled out next to us. Halfway through the movie Kobe got up from his spot and started digging at a couch pillow on the other end of the couch. I figured he was just trying to get comfortable, that was until he slowly pulled his head out from under the pillow with a half eaten hot dog in his mouth. He slyly jumped down from the couch and tried to sneak into the kitchen to eat his little treat. He knew he was being naughty, that is what was so funny! Not so fast you little rotten dog! I yanked the half eaten hot dog out of his mouth. He looked at me w/ a face of disappointment. He had thought he was going to get away with it! After Wade and I giggled a bit at his antics of hiding the portion of the hot dog he couldn’t consume we settled back in to finish the movie. But Kobe wasn’t done yet. He wandered into our bedroom. I figured he must be up to something and so I quietly followed behind. I watched as Kobe started digging at Wade’s back pack that was lying on the ground. What in the world could he want in there? Does he want to do Wade’s homework? But then he slowly pulled another full hot dog out from underneath it! What a little stinker hiding hot dogs all over the apartment! I allowed him to think that he had gotten away with it for just a bit so I could get Wade and tell him to come check it out and then pounced on him. He dropped the hot dog to the ground and rolled onto his back. He surrendered. We scolded him for being a naughty dog, but secretly laughed at our little boy. He had been trying to be so sneaky! Luckily we didn't find anymore half eaten rotten hot dogs around after this.

I've got to brush my teeth after all those hot dogs!

We determined that day that we have a very sly little bugger on our hands. And he’s quite smart too saving the hot dogs for later. Too bad we rained on his hot dog parade.

And he could become the next president...

He looks like a clown. And something about him reminds me of Bush... But everyone likes a clown right?

Future Baby

I know a lot of you reading this will probably automatically freak out the second you read that title. I am sorry to inform you that no, we are not expecting. We aren’t even trying. And I now doubt we will ever try. You see, I was led to this site that will show you what your future offspring will look like by entering you and your respective mate’s photos into their baby making system. And well, it frightened the hell out of me. If Wade and I have a baby girl she will end up looking like this (please try to stifle your screams if at work):

And well, I don’t really feel like doing that to the world. Sorry.

I Dream of NyQuil

The past two nights I’ve been sickly and unable to breathe and so I dope myself up on NyQuil and pass out. I think it is giving me weird ass dreams. I only remember my dreams about once a week I’d guess, but since taking NyQuil they’ve become more memorable and I wake up wondering what the hell is wrong w/ my brain. And then I immediately want to take more. NyQuil is my new best friend.

The other night I had a dream that I was looking for a new house w/ Kara. We walk into this house we are scheduled to view and begin looking around. For some reason Kara says it is better to view the house while in our undies. So she strips down to her bra and panties and, as I wonder what the hell is wrong with her, starts looking around the house. All of a sudden the owners of the house appear and ask us why we are in the house (but for some reason they find it totally acceptable that Kara is in her underwear). I try to explain that we were supposed to be scheduled to view it and they should have known we were coming, but they refused to listen b/c they said they had to finish vacuuming to get the house ready for visitors. So as the wife frantically starts vacuuming everything in site I tried explaining to them that we were the visitors but they didn’t believe me so Kara and I leave very confused and decide to go to Perkins. I ate cheese sticks. They were great. The next thing I know we are on a dock getting ready to dive into the ocean and search for fruit. Large fruit. We’re talking cherries the size of basketballs and bananas that are bigger than my arm. Totally sane and normal right?

Then last night I had a dream that I was preggo, gave birth (it was really easy) and then was trying to breast feed my baby. The only thing is that it was all out in public in a courtyard w/ a big fountain and in front of tons of people. I was nekkid from the pants up (which was mortifying) and I only had some kind of nipple cup covering my ta-ta’s. Then I was wondering why the hell my baby couldn’t latch on and drink and noticed it was b/c the things over my nips were in the way. They looked similar to what was going on under Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction. Scary. I think this means I am terrified of becoming preggo. I know NOTHING about babies. And having something “latch” onto my ta-ta’s doesn’t sound overly pleasant either.

Both of these dreams were very strange; the last one was actually a tad terrifying. I guess going to sleep all doped up has its disadvantages. Your dreams get all loopy, your hubs thinks you’re ignoring him (when really you’re in la-la land), and you could sleep through a house fire, catch on fire and die, but hey, you’re sleeping… And breathing through your nose! Success!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In other news, Wade and I finished up the stepping stones in the back yard leading from our deck to our garage. It ended up taking us just over 3 hours to get them laid out and dug into the ground. Luckily for us the weather was PERFECTION. Unlucky for me it was Bug City. Ew. But I think it came out very nice (just ignore the massive dead spot in the grass due to the huge fires we’ve had in our fire pit that continuously kill it).

Also, Kobe, has his new Halloween costume ready (pictures coming!). He is going to be a little piggy and he looks so cute in his costume! I think it would suit his cousin, Otis, better though. He’s the real oinker (but a really cute oinker). :) Now I just need to figure out what I should be. Any ideas???

Kobe was a pumpkin last year & actually liked his costume & wore it all night (minus the hat)








Otis was a dog of the law. You will obey his authority.

Jump to the Jam, Boogy Woogy Jam Slam

Guitar Hero III is now officially mine. It cost me all of $5.16 since I had the $75 gift card. Unfortunately for Best Buy their extra guitars are stupidly ridiculously idiotically priced and so I didn't get one. I'm going to go to Circuit City or somewhere else where they are cheaper. Hell for the Wii it's just a piece of plastic that you plug the Wii remote into. There is no way it should cost $60. Fuck that. I've even found them online for only $30. Why the hell would they cost double that in the store? Don't they know everyone that is going to be buying these things has internet access and can look up pricing online? They must think we are morons. Screw off Best Buy!

Tonight we are going to our neighbor's son's karate show. Hunter is only 4, so there is no sparring, but he gets to go up on stage and do all of his moves. I just know he will be SOOOO cute! I mean, look at this face? Yes, he has a Batman band aid on his head due to an unfortunate run in w/ a closet door, but he is just adorable! And I guess I'm his girlfriend. That is news to me. I mean, he's never even asked me out. Oh well, I'll take what I can get.* :) That is his little brother, Mason, with him. He's sporting my shades. What a pimp.

Other than that this weekend looks to be fairly uneventful. Unless I can convince my peeps to go w/ me to the Melismatics CD release party Saturday night at the Fine Line. That would rock. Let's see if I can work my magic and convince them to join me in some guaranteed fun w/ great music!

*No, I'm not a pervy pedophile. I just like to know that people like me and gosh darnit, he likes me!

To All You Joe 6-Packs...Maverick!

I'm a little late posting this clip, but here it is. I just love me some Fey. Could she be more dead on in her impersonation? She's definitely not afraid to get mavericky in there even though they didn't do the talent portion.

Give Me a Bone Here People!

So the seasons are changing, the leaves are turning different colors and it’s getting cold. Fall is officially here in MN. Yesterday was beautiful, but I hate to admit that Wade and I have already turned the heat on a few nights. Yikes. It’s gonna be a long winter I think. And maybe that is why I have nothing to write. My mind is seriously blank. Usually when it gets cold here I go through a depression slump b/c I don’t want the warm weather to come to an end, but this is just too early. It’s only October 7th. This isn’t supposed to hit me until the end of the month. What happened to fall!?! It feels like it is jumping straight into winter! Maybe my mind is blank b/c Wade and I have 4 (yes, FOUR!) weekends in a row w/ NO plans. This is unheard of. It’s weird. And kind of depressing really. It’s a good thing b/c it’s forcing us to get housework done and save a bit of money, but really it just makes the weekends feel like they never happened. Just yesterday when I came into work it didn’t feel like a Monday. It felt like I never left the damn office. That just ain’t right. It sucks big donkey balls. Maybe I’m in need of a little change. Maybe we can get Guitar Hero. I’ve got a $75 Best Buy gift card. That will pay for about half of the ridiculously expensive as hell game. WTF. You seriously need to have $150 on hand to purchase that game and a 2nd guitar to go w/ it. And you’ve GOT to get the 2nd guitar b/c playing it alone just isn’t the same as rocking out w/ your buds.

I think I’m going to go buy it this week. Then Wade and I can get drunk together and rock our socks off. That's even better, drunk naked Guitar Hero. Kick ass.

Gyro Girl To The Rescue!

Warning: This post contains a fair amount of swearing. By fair amount I mean a ton. So if swearing offends you then you should stop reading right the fuck now.

I'm going to get really drunk tonight.

So… lovely Benjamin over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster has put it upon his readers to admit to their best drunk/hangover story. Since my memory sucks complete ass I probably don’t have the best recollection on my finest drunk moments (that is something you’d have to ask the hubs or sis, I’m sure they have PLENTY) but I do remember one particular instance which I think is a hilarious drunk story.

It all started out when we found out our beloved People’s Bar & Grill in Ames was going to be closing its doors due to their lease not being renewed. People’s was our all time favorite bar hangout through college w/ live music, touch screen “adult” games, pool, darts and fooz. What more could you need? It was the best place ever for FAC and we could always be found there. So when we heard that it was going to be closing at the end of May we decided that we needed one big last shebang there. So I pack up for my weekend road trip south and meet up w/ Kara and Jessica in Ames.

We begin the night out at O’Malley’s for some great Mexican food and plenty of margaritas. They were delicious and we were already buzzed when we left there to head to People’s. We walk in the doors and it’s just like old times. The smell of rotten beer spilled on the floors and never completely cleaned up felt just like home. (Okay, not like home, but you get the picture) Our old bartender/friend, Phelps, is still working his magic behind the bar even! And so the night begins.

We are ordering beers and downing them fast while playing pool and listening to The Nadas (who happen to be one of the greatest bands ever) live. It really couldn’t get any better, but it does. My great friend Mandy (aka Thriller Miller) shows up too! By this time in the night we are sloppy drunk, but happy sloppy drunk and therefore things are perfect!

Then Kara heads to the bathroom and the night changes for the worse. In the bathroom she encounters what can only be described as UglyCougarCuntFaceWhore. UCCFW is piss ass drunk. And she’s no happy drunk. She’s belligerent, raving mad, lunatic drunk just looking to cause some drama. We feel we are too old to be in a college bar (we are 28 at the time) and UCCFW is WAY too old to be in a college bar especially being that she is raging drunk. As Kara is applying her lipstick in the bathroom mirror UCCFW shoves her out of the way, slurs something not completely understandable but yet completely uncalled for and starts washing her hands like she owns the bathroom. Kara, being the nice person she is, decides to say “excuse you” to UCCFW and walk out. This should have been the end of it all, but UCCFW had other ideas. Once she emerges from the bathroom she ends up standing feet away from us and bitching about Kara’s actions in the bathroom. Now this gets me pissed. And when I’ve been drinking you really shouldn’t piss me off. So I turn around to face UCCFW and tell her off. This results in some shit slinging going back and forth and things were quickly escalating. I was moments away from throwing my drink in her nasty ass cougar hair. Lucky for us we have the bartender on our side.

Phelps walks up and asks what the problem is. UCCFW tries to tell him that we are bitches (but he knows we're cool and she's a lying fuckface). So we explain that she is an uglycougarcuntfacewhore who needs to be kicked the hell out. Phelps decides to ask if we can tolerate being in the bar w/ her as long as she stays confined to the opposite side of the bar. We relent and say that is acceptable but she’d better not step near us or I’ll break this cue stick up her ass and she’ll never walk right again. So she and her friend (who was actually apologizing for her over and over) are banished to the bad side of the bar. Victory!

Fast forward to closing time. I am dying of hunger (i.e. wasted) and need to have a gyro from the gyro cart right away. Kara and Jess are finishing up a game of pool. So I tell them to finish up and meet me out at the gyro cart. I step outside, order my gyro, take a seat on the curb and dig in, only to hear someone say “there’s that bitch”. I look up and see UCCFW and her friend standing in front of me. Oh no she didn’t. No one better call me a bitch w/o having the balls to back it up. My drunk ass promptly stands up and begins the shit slinging again. This goes on for approximately 2 minutes and a crowd has formed around us. UCCFW is in my face and her friend is standing next to her trying her hardest to get her to shut her ugly pie hole and go home, however she’s not having it. Finally I tell her to go the hell home b/c it is past her bedtime being that she is an old hag. I take my half eaten (and delicious) gyro, raise it up in the air and smash it on her chin and smear it down her neck. She freezes. She has cucumber sauce and cheese crumbles stuck to her chin and neck. She is speechless (finally!) and her friend gets in between us and the crowd pulls us apart. As someone is dragging her ass away her friend continues to apologize to me for her obnoxious behavior and a random guy gives me his phone number. He says he thought that was the most awesome thing he’s ever seen and wants me to call him to hang out b/c I mean, it's obvious I'm pretty cool since I just smashed a gyro in a drunk bitches face. And the best part of it all was Kara and Jess walked out of the bar right when I was raising my gyro in the air so they got to see the action too.
"Oh Snap!"
I promptly ordered myself a new gyro and enjoyed it thoroughly. A victory gyro. Delicious!

I wonder if she woke up the next morning and could remember why she smelled like rotten cheese and gyro sauce…

Don't be a Jonze! http://www.jonzed.com/

Sing Us A Song Piano Man

So I’ve just been informed that a new restaurant that just opened up down the street has dueling pianos every Friday night. Needless to say I am super excited! I love dueling pianos! Our plan is to check them out tomorrow night. I hope it can live up to the high standards I’ve had w/ my previous dueling piano experiences. If it does it promises to be my new favorite hangout on Friday nights. Plus, I looked on their menu online and they actually have listed on their drink menu the best drink ever made (for only $6!):

The MIAMI VICE

Oh, Miami Vice, how you woo me into drinking your luscious deliciousness of pure alcoholic joy.

I’m not sure if that made any sense, but it was my ode to Miami Vice. So much for my sober time. I made it 11 days w/o drinking. It may be a record. I dunno. But I do know it’s been absolutely no fun. I’m sorry but I need my liquor to have fun. Call it what you will. I’m going to happy hour tonight and I’m gonna like it.

Sayonara Sobriety!