We’ve got a Rug Muncher on our Hands!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Thanks to the shitty Midwest weather we didn’t get back in town until 11pm Sunday night and I was too much of a cranky bitch yesterday (and SWAMPED at work) to post. I am now recovered and thought it would be nice to grace you with my presence back in blog land. Hello again and welcome back!

Every Thanksgiving (actually every holiday for that matter) consists of plenty of driving for Wade and me. We generally start out at one of our families and then a day or two later continue onto the next family. Round trip we end up driving for about 14 hours total. It kind of sucks, but in the end it is totally worth it to be able to see everyone. This Thanksgiving was no different. We began by heading down to Des Moines to visit my side of the family. My Mom, Aunt Ranee, Kara and I consumed what can only be approximated as a tub of wine on Thanksgiving (the men got annoyed and watched football). Things that happened after that I don’t have the sharpest recollection of however Wade has graciously reminded me of some of them:

• The heel on my boot broke off (due to my clumsy clomping around drunk I’m sure) and I begged Wade to fix it w/ super glue “right this instance”.
• We found the game ‘Girl Talk’ in the basement and brought it upstairs. I proceeded to put ‘zit’ stickers on everyone in attendance. My Mom and Aunt Ranee went over board and completely zitted their faces (see below).
• We played Scattergories and on one round I could only think of 2 words. Two! That is the equivalent of me becoming legally retarded. Needless to say, I lost badly.
• The barstool got sick of my drunk ass and kicked me off of it and I fell flat on my ass. Barstool - 1; Kellie - way too many.
• I whined to Wade that I was going to make an awful mother whenever we have a kid (I’m sure this drunk banter about kids is due to the fact that EVERYONE I know either already has a kid or is in the midst of having one and I’m just not ready yet!)
• My Mom (who has wanted a grandkid since the second we walked down the aisle) said that if I didn’t want to have a kid I shouldn’t have one then, to which I replied that Wade would divorce me if I didn’t give him a baby and began whining about it to them all (I’m sure Wade was super pleased about this).
• I bitched my lazy ass sister out for not wanting to come back to our “Wonderful Thanksgiving Festivus” after they were done at her boyfriend’s and guilted her into coming back. I’m sure she regretted that decision as soon as she saw how seriously drunk my Mom and I were.
• We drunkenly drew on a canvas my mom had that she wanted to paint something on and I declared we were going to be the next Picasso and Monet.

Consensus: I’m super fun when drunk and I should be drunk more often.

The next morning at 4:30 am Wade and I had to wake up to drive to Galesburg to get there in time for his grandpa’s funeral. That sucked. I felt like there was an earthquake going on in my head. There are a lot of mundane details in between all of this and the rug munching incident. Should I just skip through it all? Yeah why not.

Shortly after eating our 2nd Thanksgiving meal at Wade’s mom’s house we settled in by the fire, drank some more wine/beer and started playing cards. After a game or two of kicking ass, Wade’s Aunt Deb and I got up to go get some more wine. We enter the kitchen and see Kobe on the rug beneath the sink. But he’s not looking normal. He looks… guilty. I flip on the lights to better inspect him and whatever the hell he is doing in there. At first I don’t notice anything odd other than the rug is folded over at the corner. So I lean down to lay it flat and then I see it. A piece of red rug drops out of Kobe’s mouth. I look closer at the rug and notice that he has chewed an entire portion about the size of a baseball off of the rug. Since it is nowhere to be found I can only conclude that he has ingested it. But WTF? What kind of dog eats a rug? And then I remember… While Wade was slicing the turkey earlier that day some of the turkey juice had spilled out onto the floor. We thought we had gotten it all wiped up but some of it must have landed on the rug b/c the way Kobe was going to town on that rug was amazing.
He is now a practiced rug muncher which is funny b/c I always thought he was gay. I mean, the only other dog he likes and plays with is Bo Naughty and when I say “likes” I mean doesn’t snarl at and when I say “plays with” I mean humps. The rest of our evening was spent making sure Kobe didn’t throw up or shit red rug all over the place (which he never did) and gambling at dice (I won $10) and drinking more and more wine. Yippie.

I’m still waiting for that red rug to show up…

Too cute to leave out...