The Wessels European Vacation

I'm baaaaacccckkkk...

Our trip is finally starting to be planned. Nothing like waiting until the last minute! Wade leaves in a week and I follow after him 2 weeks later. We finally booked our Paris hotel room and it looks really nice!

Pretty sweet right? Newly renovated, every room has it's own bathroom (which isn't a guarantee as we've found in these European countries) AND we got it using Wade's priority points! It's going to save us over $300! It's right off the metro too so we can easily get to it and anywhere else we want to go while in Paris!

Next stop: Frankfurt, Germany. We'll only be there for one night but we need to find a hotel for the night. Hopefully close to the train station. Anyone have any suggestions? We'll hopefully get something done soon b/c after that we still need to find a place to stay in Bacharach (Germany), Brugge (Belgium) and Amsterdam...

So much to do, so little time. And I am getting SO SUPER FUCKING EXCITED!!!

(Not) Wordless Wednesday

I know I've been a bad blogee this week. I'm lacking motivation, inspiration, constipation. Wait, that last one didn't fit... Anyway, I'm going to take the rest of this week off and hopefully I'll be back in full force come Monday (it will be all right, I'll be holding you tight)...

Until then I will try to get through all my blog reading and hopefully still comment to you all. TRY being the important word in that sentence. I just seem to have a TON going on right now. It's spring fever. But I promise you I'll be back! Just like Arnold, you can't get rid of me very easily. :)

Have you humped someone today? Happy Hump Day luvahs!

xoxo

Well, hello. I'm Wasted. Who the hell are you?

So now that I am totally and completely recovered from just about the worst hangover of all times I thought I could finally update you all on how our Dirty 30 B-day Bash went. It went... well, it went way too fast and way too drunk. If there is such a thing as too drunk anyway.

I got to see so many of my great friends that I rarely get to see! We rented the party room at the Cab in West Glen which had our own private bar, patio, wait staff and bathroom (story on the bathroom later!)... It worked out perfectly! We had one keg ready to go and ended up purchasing a 2nd one around 11:00 pm. I have NO clue how much of the 2nd one we even drank b/c by the end of the night I was HAMMERED... Regardless, some highlights of the night:

• The weather was perfect which meant the patio was wonderful!


• I'd approximate that throughout the entire night we had about 50 people show up so it was a pretty good turn out.


• Shots galore. Ew.


• We did some titty grabbing. (see 1st picture)


• I puked one of my shots right back out the second I drank it. Tequila. Which is weird b/c usually I can handle tequila. Guess not that time... (remember this part b/c it will have to do w/ the bathroom story)


• Wade got even more drunk than me which is a very rare occurence b/c everyone knows I am the lush in this relationship. Anyway, he decided to go on a "walk" through the neighborhood. He had no clue where he was. I am crying b/c I'm drunk and he had pissed me off and I can't find him. Luckily for him (and me) a friend (thank you Mike!) helped track him down and picked his drunk, lost ass up.


• To be completely honest, I can't give you anymore bullet points b/c I got so drunk that things are very hazy. All I know is I had a blast. So from here on out I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Open your eyes Wade!!!

As for the bathroom story... I can be a bit of a... shall I say, Super mega bitch when I'm drunk. So picture this, I had just thrown up my tequila shot right back into the cup that I had taken it out of and I am still holding it in my hand. Kara was dragging me to the bathroom b/c she thought I was going to be sick (even though I wasn't going to be sick, the shot just didn't sit well for me that time!) :) Anyway, there are these 2 girls waiting in line for the bathroom. I have no clue who they are and neither does Kara. So we ask them if they are with the party to which they reply no they aren't, they just want to use the bathroom. To which I tell them (all the while holding my cup of vomito) to get the hell out of our party room that we paid for b/c this is not their bathroom to use. They came back at me w/ some bitchy remark so I threaten to throw my cup-o-vomit on them. That finally got them to shut up and leave. I know, I am a serious class act threatening to throw puke. But in all seriousness, girls who act superior to others annoy the shit out of me and these girls for some reason felt they were entitled to not have to wait in the regular bathroom line and would come and make a line at ours, that we had paid for and reserved for the night. Not on my watch motherlovers. :)

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In a completely unrelated note, why is it that if I move my pictures around in my post you can no longer click on them to enlarge them once the post is up? Anyone more computer saavy than me and know what the heck is going on there? :)

Wordless Wednesday

If I Could Turn Back Time...Thank You Cher.

I've been thinking about prom. Watching 90210's season finale and looking back at my prom picture makes me kind of sad. Not because I didn't enjoy myself or because I wish I could go back in time b/c high school was just OH SO FUN!!! (sense the sarcasm?), but sad b/c the dress styles that are out now are so super cool. It's like the 80's only way more fashionable! I totally would have worn this to prom:
Or maybe if I was feeling pretty in pink:
Or this for some gold glamour:
And I've always loved ruffles:
Or even this if I was feeling frisky (Cheetah, rawr!):
But this... Well, this poor girl looks like she just got thrown up on by a drunk clown:

How great are these dresses!?!?! When I went to prom there was no possibility of wearing a short dress. Everything prom related was long and formal. I want short and spunky! I want something I can dance around in and not trip over! I want fun and flirty! Mine was just so boring...

Is it just me or does prom seem to be getting less formal? I think I would have loved it.

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I'll have an update on my b-day party up later this week. Let's just say I'm tired from having so much fun.

Who me? An adult? Mmmyeah...

Tomorrow I am crossing into unchartered territory. I am a baby; taking it's first steps. I am Christopher Columbus; discovering a new country. I am a virgin; trying to figure out how to use a condom. I am leaving behind my "youth" and moving into my Dirty 30's. That's right. I'm becoming an adult. :)

When I was younger I always thought that 30 meant you were old, married, had a boring full time job and kids. Well, 3 outta 4 ain't bad, right? And the whole kids thing? We'll save that for another day.

Some people dread moving onto their 30's. They tell people they will forever be 29. But you know what? I'm not worried about it. In fact I am embracing it. After all, it kind of makes me feel a bit better about some things.

For instance:

• These wrinkles on my forehead? Before I was like, I'm only in my 20's! I shouldn't have wrinkles! Now I can exclaim, yes, I have wrinkles but look at how small they are for being in my 30's!
  
• My eye sight going down the tubes? When I had to get glasses for night driving I thought it was ridiculous. Only old people need help seeing in the dark. Well, now that I'm 30 it doesn't make me feel bad!
  
• My forgetfulness? I can now say it is early onset Alzheimers and people MAY actually believe me!!! :)
  
• The huge bunyon on my right foot? Well, it's genetic. I can't help it. And yes, it looks like my right foot should be attached to an elderly person, well, now that's not so far off!

I joke, I joke. I really could care less that I'm turning 30. In fact if I go by what everyone else says 30 is the new 15 or something like that. So really I should be breaking out in zits, getting my driving permit and wishing my boobs would FINALLY grow so that my hornball of a boyfriend would have something more than nipples to grope while he feels me up. So really I'm doing pretty damn good considering.

In order to properly celebrate this momentous occasion we are heading down to Des Moines and renting a party room @ the Cab in West Glen and buying a keg and getting shit faced schnockered. I can definitely still party like I'm in my 20's! (Although the hangovers are a bit worse unfortunately). So for all you suckas who don't know... Check it out.* If you are in Des Moines, or even remotely close to it, I fully expect to see you out Saturday night. We're going to paint the town red! (What exactly does that term even mean?) You definitely will be in for a treat.

I hope to get my freak on:

Take some shots straight out of the bottle (although not this shit, it was nasty!):

Maybe make some new friends:

And possibly even get some of this (although not likely, damn it):

All that would mean I've had A LOT of fun. It's gonna be a good night. So here's to bringing in the 30's in the best way possible: being surrounded by all my drunk friends.

Cheers!

*If you caught that Kris Kross reference you are my new best friend forever.

(Not)Wordless Wednesday

So it seems that all of my Wordless Wednesday posts are pictures of Kobe, but I just can't help myself. He is just so stinkin cute! This one is of Kobe and his cousin, Otis. They are big time beggars. Do you think they wanted some of my lunch? Naw...

Boobs & Colonoscopies: What More Can A Girl Ask For!?!?

For lack of better things to post today the top 2 google searches that lead people to my blog:


1. Boob Beer Holder

2. Can I drink beer before a colonoscopy


I'm getting some quality people finding my blog! I mean really? Could I ask for anything better? These people obviously love beer! They are right after my own heart... Well, almost. I would probably search for Penis Beer Holder, but alas...


And the #1 image that leads people to my blog:

Thank you honey for giving me such great hits on my blog. I love actually getting to benefit from your drunk ass instead of my own for once. I heart you.

It's Sexy Party Time!

I was inspired by LBluca's list of her top hottest celebrities that she would put in People's Hottest Issue. So get out a paper towel to wipe up your drool and scroll down for my list of 10 men and 10 women that are hot enough to get you wet in your pants b/c it's Sexy Party Time! Tell me what you think.

MEN:


Ewan McGregor - I may be weird on this one but I find him incredibly sexy. Incredibly.

Matthew McConaughey - One word: Tastylicious (Also, this is an old picture but I found it online and had to use it b/c I actually had this picture cut out of whatever magazine it was in and hanging on my dorm room wall back in college. I always wanted to be that hand... YUMMY!)

Johnny Depp - As long as he actually cleans up just a little bit he's a fine piece-a-ass. And I like a man w/ some good tattoos.

Jake Gyllenhaal - I find him attractive b/c there is something in his face that is similar to the hubs. And I obviously think the hubs is f-i-n-e. I wish I could quit you Jake.


Hugh Jackman - Gay or not (he says not) I don't care, he is smokin!

Johnny Knoxville - Goofy attitude + rock hard abs + sense of adventure + scruffy charm = sexy

Jude Law - His eyes and that dimpled chin are what get me...

Brad Pitt - What HOT list would be complete w/o him? Seriously. My keyboard has a puddle drool on it.

Ryan Reynolds - Look. At. Those. Abs. Num num num.

Paul Walker - Not the greatest actor (read: he pretty much sucks) but you know he's hot when you just don't care what he's saying or how he's acting b/c you aren't listening anyway. You're just looking at that gorgeous mug.

WOMEN:


Kiera Knightley - She is my #1 girl crush. She could stand to put on a few pounds, but seriously, look. at. that. face. Gorgeous.
Megan Fox - touche b/c I think she's probably on everyone's list but that is b/c she is smokin. Period.

Gwen Stefani - (minus the weird hairdo's she sports sometimes) She's got the rocker chic going on!

Jennifer Aniston - In my book she beats out Angelina in a landslide. She looks clean and has a great smile. Angelina looks like Skeletor and I don't think she knows how to smile. :)

Kate Hudson - She glows. Radiant. Plus I think she has amazing style.

Julianne Hough - She is so cute, yet very pretty at the same time. And I wish I could dance like her instead of tripping over everything. And let's face it, she is probably the only reason any straight men watch that show.

Mila Kunis - she's the ever popular hot girl next door; PLUS she voices Meg from "Family Guy"!!!

Jamie Pressley - She is beautiful and a great actress. I love her on "My Name is Earl" and she was great as the possible sister on "Joe Dirt".

Heidi Klum - I can only hope/dream/pray/wish that I could look that good after popping out 3 kiddos. She is stunning.

Ali Larter - She has a natural and timeless beauty.

Opinions? Did I nail it or am I so far off on this you think I'm a bit looney? I wouldn't blame you. :)

Happy Friday everyone! By now I am in Illinois enjoying the extra long weekend. Wade is racing tonight in Springfield so if anyone is around there come on out! I'll be in the pits drinking. Weird huh?

(Not) Wordless Wednesday

A treaty trio for you all today! Just cause I luvs ya!

Seriously, how cute is this!?!?! Kobe was w/ Wade drifting in and out of sleep and sitting like a little man. A-freakin-dorable!