It’s currently 17 degrees out and it feels like a flipping heat wave! The past 4-5 days the high has hovered around 5 degrees so this is some serious heat. And that my friends really makes me sad. Seriously, just call me Debbie Downer. Or Sad Panda. I go by both. 17 degrees feels warm?!?! WTF? Also, I’ve been outside a total of 3 times today and I’ve almost fallen on my ass 3 times. I’m batting at 1.000. I’m so good, I’m perfect. Do you know how ridiculous I look when I "almost" fall on my ass? I think I'd rather fall all the way down b/c it would look better plopping my ass on the nasty slush covered ground than it does with me trying not to fall and my arms flailing around in the air attempting to balance myself as my feet are slipping in different directions trying to make me do something I haven't done since high school (the splits). Yes, I admit, I am a total klutz. I think it is attractive. It totally brings in the men. They are basically knocking my door down. I have to fend them off w/ my karate type moves that I learned in kickboxing.
Also, this snow/ice shit is slicker than snot. Not only do I nearly fall w/ every step I take but my car slips around corners, nearly slides through stop signs and spins out every time I attempt to move from a stopped position. Watch out pedestrians, you ARE in harms way! You’d think I was driving too fast but nope, I’m going an average of 8 mph. The plow trucks seriously suck. You’d think they’d get out and actually know how to remove snow from the roads being that this is the fricking north pole (well, ok, it’s not, but it feels like it is) but noooooo….. That would mean someone would actually know how to do their job! To top it all off some piss head cut me off today and I had to slam my brakes and attempt to stop on the slippery shit covering the street. Seriously people? Don’t you realize I WILL hit you? You cannot stop on this crap. What a stupid ass chunk. MN drivers can blow me. They are the most wretched drivers I’ve ever seen. I’m not kidding. Ask any of my friends from out of town and they swear they have almost lost their lives while driving up here to visit me.
Beware: Visiting Kellie = 71% chance of losing your life to moronic MN drivers
(Other than that I have nothing against this cold mother fucker of a state. I actually quite like it. But seriously, learn how to drive Minnesotans.)
And that is my rant for the day. Thank God I have happy hour tonight. Followed by kickboxing. Maybe kickboxing will be added to my list of things that are fun to do drunk. Or maybe it will be added to my list of things to NOT do when drunk. We will soon see I guess. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it is more fun b/c then I’d have an excuse to go to it drunk all the time. Then I'd be "living the dream". Haha! (Beth will get that quote, everyone else will probably just think it's dumb).
If this post doesn't get you in the holiday spirit then I don't know what will! Bah Humbug!
Sincerely,
Scrooge McGee :)
11 comments:
Ooh. That makes me not miss my Wisconsin days.
Have a an extra drink for me at HH!
Now that was a rant!
I feel bad for being such a baby with our "freezing" 56 degree weather.
keep your chin up, Sad Panda
at least you aren't unemployed and in debt, like me :)
Sad Panda,
I think you should pretend that you were just doing an awesome dance move every time you almost fall. Like do the flail thing and then just start beat boxing and doing the robot.
I will never complain about weather AGAIN! I think I'd have two broken legs if I lived there.
I agree with Narm, start beat boxing and doing the robot next time. Hilarious!
OK you are gonna think I am a huge weenie but it was 40 degrees this morning and I thought I was gonna die. I could see my breath this morning while I was eating breakfast.
But in my defense 40 degrees in southern cali is pretty fucking cold. Like the steroetypes say we wear shorts all year long and the sun always shines.
Narm's comment was perfect.
but if you do fall...
please make sure someone is there to videotape it for us.
Loved the "living the dream" comment!
Worst thing is the world are the 40yr old, milf-wannabe, 5foot-nothing, 95lb-and-I-think-I'm-fat socialite bitches driving their giant Cadillac Escalades during a blizzard acting like "I can do anything! I'm driving an SUV!" and passing you in a no-passing zone because you're going too slow (aka: the speed limit)...
Of course the best thing is seeing that same SUV in the ditch about 5 minutes after it passed you.
18 degrees yesterday morning while I was in my second round of snowblowing the two fucking feet of snow we had.
2 feet of snow to me is waist high.
I still can't find my penis.
We have the same problem. But at 35 we are freezing our tootsies here in Houston. Not used to this.
Love the name of your blog!! I'll stop by again!
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