Who me? An adult? Mmmyeah...

Tomorrow I am crossing into unchartered territory. I am a baby; taking it's first steps. I am Christopher Columbus; discovering a new country. I am a virgin; trying to figure out how to use a condom. I am leaving behind my "youth" and moving into my Dirty 30's. That's right. I'm becoming an adult. :)

When I was younger I always thought that 30 meant you were old, married, had a boring full time job and kids. Well, 3 outta 4 ain't bad, right? And the whole kids thing? We'll save that for another day.

Some people dread moving onto their 30's. They tell people they will forever be 29. But you know what? I'm not worried about it. In fact I am embracing it. After all, it kind of makes me feel a bit better about some things.

For instance:

• These wrinkles on my forehead? Before I was like, I'm only in my 20's! I shouldn't have wrinkles! Now I can exclaim, yes, I have wrinkles but look at how small they are for being in my 30's!
  
• My eye sight going down the tubes? When I had to get glasses for night driving I thought it was ridiculous. Only old people need help seeing in the dark. Well, now that I'm 30 it doesn't make me feel bad!
  
• My forgetfulness? I can now say it is early onset Alzheimers and people MAY actually believe me!!! :)
  
• The huge bunyon on my right foot? Well, it's genetic. I can't help it. And yes, it looks like my right foot should be attached to an elderly person, well, now that's not so far off!

I joke, I joke. I really could care less that I'm turning 30. In fact if I go by what everyone else says 30 is the new 15 or something like that. So really I should be breaking out in zits, getting my driving permit and wishing my boobs would FINALLY grow so that my hornball of a boyfriend would have something more than nipples to grope while he feels me up. So really I'm doing pretty damn good considering.

In order to properly celebrate this momentous occasion we are heading down to Des Moines and renting a party room @ the Cab in West Glen and buying a keg and getting shit faced schnockered. I can definitely still party like I'm in my 20's! (Although the hangovers are a bit worse unfortunately). So for all you suckas who don't know... Check it out.* If you are in Des Moines, or even remotely close to it, I fully expect to see you out Saturday night. We're going to paint the town red! (What exactly does that term even mean?) You definitely will be in for a treat.

I hope to get my freak on:

Take some shots straight out of the bottle (although not this shit, it was nasty!):

Maybe make some new friends:

And possibly even get some of this (although not likely, damn it):

All that would mean I've had A LOT of fun. It's gonna be a good night. So here's to bringing in the 30's in the best way possible: being surrounded by all my drunk friends.

Cheers!

*If you caught that Kris Kross reference you are my new best friend forever.

(Not)Wordless Wednesday

So it seems that all of my Wordless Wednesday posts are pictures of Kobe, but I just can't help myself. He is just so stinkin cute! This one is of Kobe and his cousin, Otis. They are big time beggars. Do you think they wanted some of my lunch? Naw...

Boobs & Colonoscopies: What More Can A Girl Ask For!?!?

For lack of better things to post today the top 2 google searches that lead people to my blog:


1. Boob Beer Holder

2. Can I drink beer before a colonoscopy


I'm getting some quality people finding my blog! I mean really? Could I ask for anything better? These people obviously love beer! They are right after my own heart... Well, almost. I would probably search for Penis Beer Holder, but alas...


And the #1 image that leads people to my blog:

Thank you honey for giving me such great hits on my blog. I love actually getting to benefit from your drunk ass instead of my own for once. I heart you.

It's Sexy Party Time!

I was inspired by LBluca's list of her top hottest celebrities that she would put in People's Hottest Issue. So get out a paper towel to wipe up your drool and scroll down for my list of 10 men and 10 women that are hot enough to get you wet in your pants b/c it's Sexy Party Time! Tell me what you think.

MEN:


Ewan McGregor - I may be weird on this one but I find him incredibly sexy. Incredibly.

Matthew McConaughey - One word: Tastylicious (Also, this is an old picture but I found it online and had to use it b/c I actually had this picture cut out of whatever magazine it was in and hanging on my dorm room wall back in college. I always wanted to be that hand... YUMMY!)

Johnny Depp - As long as he actually cleans up just a little bit he's a fine piece-a-ass. And I like a man w/ some good tattoos.

Jake Gyllenhaal - I find him attractive b/c there is something in his face that is similar to the hubs. And I obviously think the hubs is f-i-n-e. I wish I could quit you Jake.


Hugh Jackman - Gay or not (he says not) I don't care, he is smokin!

Johnny Knoxville - Goofy attitude + rock hard abs + sense of adventure + scruffy charm = sexy

Jude Law - His eyes and that dimpled chin are what get me...

Brad Pitt - What HOT list would be complete w/o him? Seriously. My keyboard has a puddle drool on it.

Ryan Reynolds - Look. At. Those. Abs. Num num num.

Paul Walker - Not the greatest actor (read: he pretty much sucks) but you know he's hot when you just don't care what he's saying or how he's acting b/c you aren't listening anyway. You're just looking at that gorgeous mug.

WOMEN:


Kiera Knightley - She is my #1 girl crush. She could stand to put on a few pounds, but seriously, look. at. that. face. Gorgeous.
Megan Fox - touche b/c I think she's probably on everyone's list but that is b/c she is smokin. Period.

Gwen Stefani - (minus the weird hairdo's she sports sometimes) She's got the rocker chic going on!

Jennifer Aniston - In my book she beats out Angelina in a landslide. She looks clean and has a great smile. Angelina looks like Skeletor and I don't think she knows how to smile. :)

Kate Hudson - She glows. Radiant. Plus I think she has amazing style.

Julianne Hough - She is so cute, yet very pretty at the same time. And I wish I could dance like her instead of tripping over everything. And let's face it, she is probably the only reason any straight men watch that show.

Mila Kunis - she's the ever popular hot girl next door; PLUS she voices Meg from "Family Guy"!!!

Jamie Pressley - She is beautiful and a great actress. I love her on "My Name is Earl" and she was great as the possible sister on "Joe Dirt".

Heidi Klum - I can only hope/dream/pray/wish that I could look that good after popping out 3 kiddos. She is stunning.

Ali Larter - She has a natural and timeless beauty.

Opinions? Did I nail it or am I so far off on this you think I'm a bit looney? I wouldn't blame you. :)

Happy Friday everyone! By now I am in Illinois enjoying the extra long weekend. Wade is racing tonight in Springfield so if anyone is around there come on out! I'll be in the pits drinking. Weird huh?

(Not) Wordless Wednesday

A treaty trio for you all today! Just cause I luvs ya!

Seriously, how cute is this!?!?! Kobe was w/ Wade drifting in and out of sleep and sitting like a little man. A-freakin-dorable!

Red Light District Here I Come!

As I've mentioned the hubs and I are taking a vacation of a lifetime this coming July. Wade is very close to finishing up his MBA (yay!) and he is taking a course this June in Lyon, France for his summer semester. I will be flying out there July 3rd to meet him in Paris. I CANNOT wait! Except for Mexico and the Caribbean I have never been outside of the United States so this trip is a big deal to me!

***If you've never been to Europe you can stop reading here b/c the rest of this post will be about as useful to you as already chewed gum.***

Anyhoots, we'll be spending approximately 2 days in Paris before taking off to Zurich, then to Rhine Valley, Germany, onto Bruges, Belgium and finally ending up in Amsterdam. I am looking for suggestions as far as where to go in any of these locations, where to stay, where to eat, where to party our asses off, etc. etc. We would like to keep this trip as cheap as possible, however I don't think I'm feeling the whole hostel stuff (something about sharing a room/shower/toilet/etc. w/ a stranger in another country...stranger danger! AND what if the hubs and I want to do some hanky panky in this foreign country!?!? I'm not one for voyeurism, although if you are into that I'm not judging you...really...to each his own! But I prefer to keep my hoohah to my hubby only. They don't call me Britney, bitch.) So any suggestions on where to go (or even where NOT to go) and things to do would be awesome. We're still in the early stages of planning (which means we haven't planned a damn thing except for the cities we want to visit) so please HELP!!! You can email me at kellielea79 [at] hotmail [dot] com.

In other questions, do you think they celebrate the Independence of America in France? Yeah, I didn't think so. Damn it.

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Also, Foreigner was AWESOME. Seriously a fucking great show. And yes, I was pretty much the youngest person there but I don't care. It. was. GREAT.

So I Creep...Yeah.

So the other night I had a dream.

It involved one of my favorite bloggers ever, Lilu. Her blog is hilarious, you must check it out.

The dream itself was very grainy but I do remember we were at a concert and she was pretending to be pregnant w/ a fake belly and all the while drinking tequila straight out of a bottle to try to get a rise out of people.

http://www.elements4health.com/the-dangers-of-alcohol-abuse-during-pregnancy.html

We were laughing about it all and having a good time until security threw us out for underage drinking b/c she was pregnant w/ child. Ridiculous, right? But it was funny.

But the fact of the matter is, I had a dream about someone I have never even met IRL. Our total relationship consists of some witty banter back and forth in our comments and twitter messages and my suggestion that I join in her and B's move to Utah and change to Mormonism to allow poligamy w/ my hubs and I (did that sentence make any sense? Oh well). This is not that I don't want to meet her IRL. I'd actually love to & hopefully the opportunity will arise sometime b/c she's hilarious. If she were a man I would totally freak-a-leak her. Instead I'll just ask if I can spoon w/ her since she's a big fan of that and all.

So tell me, have you ever dreamed about someone you've never even met before? Does it make me creepy? Maybe a bit weird? Definitely not psycho right? I sure the hell hope not.
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Oh yeah, and not to make you all jealous or anything but tonight, well, tonight I am going to see Foreigner. I will for sure be the youngest person there. I will be belting out their music and making the people around me glad that they lost their hearing when they were 70 and can turn down their hearing aide that is closest to me. I will be reminiscing about my junior high mixers and first kisses w/ little boys. Wait... no that came out wrong. I was little too at the time. I promise! I'm not a pervy pediphile! I just want to know what love is!!!

I've got a fever of 103. Seems the only cure for it is more Foreigner!

In the Still of the Night My Hair Held On Tight

Valley High School Prom 1997

I was tagged by K @ Blog Goggles and felt like this was actually a good one! Who doesn't want to see other's old prom photos and laugh at their bad hair and aged dresses!!?!? So this was me with my high school boyfriend, Adam, back in our hay day. I remember my hair was not only HUMONGOUS but it was SO hard. I seriously think the hair stylist used an entire can of Aqua Net on my head. It was brutal. Hurricane force winds didn't stand a chance against wrecking my head of hair. Prom was fun. I think I over hyped it in my head and was expecting more. Or maybe I just wasn't expecting Adam to get drunk off of wine coolers and puke under the pull out couch at our hotel room. Haha!!! (Not saying I haven't done way worse since then!) Either way. I still had a lot of fun. Until the next day when I tried to get my hair out of that updo!

So I tag the following:

Bon Don

LBluca

BWP

Lily

La Dolce Vita

Ladies, if you're up for it post your high school prom pics! We'd love to see them and get a good laugh at your expense!

Cheerio!

Wordless Wednesday

Happy Mother's Day (again) to the greatest Mom eva!

We Walked our Socks Off

Team FMS

The MS Walk was a success! Thanks again to all of you who donated.

I hate to be a disappointment but it was WAY too cold for me to even consider wearing my bike skort. When we left for the walk it was 47 degrees outside and very windy. So I ended up wearing jeans instead. But I did take a pic of what I would have looked like had the weather been warmer. I had packed it and was mentally prepared to wear it and look like a jackass however the weather just didn't work out. So for your viewing pleasure, here is what I should have looked like if it wasn't so damn cold. Is it just me or do I totally resemble something straight out of "Legally Blonde"? Ridiculous.

Here is what I ended up wearing.

I did bring along my water bottle but instead of vodka lemonade my sister and I opted for some ever classy Arbor Mist. It was a tasty treat as we walked.

Here are some additional pics from the walk and a video of Kobe army crawling in the grass for your viewing pleasure as well. I hope you all enjoy.

My Mom and Kara starting the walk off

The 2 biggest lushes there...

My friend that I walked for, Katie and her mom, Jill

Our team mascots: Toby, Otis and Kobe

My Loony Bun is Fine Benny Lava!

I wasn't going to post anything today. I was just going to let you all enjoy the previous posts pictures of the pumpkin. That was until Angie told me to watch this video on YouTube. She peed herself and I started crying. It is hilarious and perfect for wasting a few minutes of your Friday. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

Anyone want some pumpkin pie?

Interested in how long it takes the items we toss into our landfills to decompose? I found the following:

Paper ................... 2 to 5 months
Orange peels ............ 6 months
Milk cartons ............ 5 years
Filter-tip cigarettes ... 10 to 12 years
Plastic bags ............ 10 to 20 years
Leather shoes ........... 24 to 40 years
Plastic containers ...... 50 to 80 years
Disposable diapers ...... 75 years
Tin cans ................ 100 years
Aluminum cans ........... 200 to 500 years
Styrofoam ............... Never
Pumpkins………… 8 months and still going strong (Just like the Energizer Bunny)

Just so you can compare, here it is one month ago:

That’s right folks. It’s still there, although it’s no longer soft and smushy. It is now crusty and light as air (almost). I’m actually surprised it hasn’t blown away yet. It has now become something that I look forward to each day upon my return home from work to see if it is still there or gone with the wind. Wow, isn’t my life super duper exciting!?!?! Don’t be jealous that you threw your pumpkins out after Halloween was over. Just learn from your mistake and in 6 months make sure you keep yours this time around and then you can have as much fun as me!

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Also, this weekend is the MS Walk! I'd like to give another HUGE thank you to all of you fabulous dolls who donated. You helped me more than exceed my goal and have given me hope that a cure for MS is attainable. You all rock my socks off. The weather is supposed to be mostly sunny and 70 degrees= perfection. I will be walking w/ Kobe and drinking vodka lemonade from my "water" bottle. I'm going to dig out my padded bike skort b/c I said I would and find my most comfortable high heels and be the classiest broad there. It'll be grand. (I'm sure there will be pics) So wish me & Kobe luck!

I hope you all have a blissful weekend!

(Not) Wordless Wednesday

I took this photo while in Hawaii, riding behind my hubs on a motorcycle we rented for the day. Pure bliss (until I got sunburnt). I want to go back...

I conquered the yard, now lets hope it lives...

So the hubs and I did some drastic improvements to our yard this weekend and I must say it looks SOOOO good! Wade spent all day Saturday tearing out our old fence and putting up the new one. We still need to stain it but that can wait for a bit. This week we'll lay some sod and then the side yard will be COMPLETE! I'm sure our neighbors are thankful to not have to look at the ghetto fence anymore. Here is the new fence (excuse the shitty photo quality):

And while the hubs was busy building the new fence I was busy spending our life savings on plants. Seriously, who knew plants cost so damn much!?!? These things had better live b/c they cost us an arm and a leg so if I kill them like I have w/ the rest of our plants I will be seriously pissed off! :) Now to finish this off I'll have to buy some landscaping border rock, dig a trench and put them around the garden, fill w/ mulch and lay some sod around the edge. As I told you before, I am NOT a gardener so this has taken me forever to do. Please pray for my new plants. They'll need all the help they can get. :)

So how was your weekend my friends? I am ready for the next one. :)

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UPDATE: A fucking rabbit who lives under our deck has eaten my garden up like an all you can eat buffet. I ran to my favorite Home Depot over lunch and bought some spray that smells like piss and pull up into my driveway and what do I see? Lil Mr. Bwunny Wabbit eating my smorgasborg of flowers. Oh yeah, well I sprayed the shit out of my flowers and let's see how you like em now you cute lil fuck face! Unfortunately I am now back at work and as a result smell like the piss spray. Sorry co-workers...

Happy Freakin Monday.

Yards are a battlefield

So if any of you need proof of the disarray that our yard is currently in here ya go:

This was a rhododendron. I think it's fairly dead. I don't know what I did to it that made it not like living in our yard b/c I watered it and caressed it and whispered sweet nothings in it's leaves but hopefully I can find something to replace it that likes me and is willing to stick around for longer than a few months. Maybe I'll even fertilize it!!! Talk about a commitment-phobe!
Here is what used to be a viola I planted last year. Either it just didn't survive the winter or a squirrel dug it up. Or maybe it hated me too and committed suicide. Either way. I'll have to get something else to replace it.



And here is part of our front yard. The old owners used to have a random and very badly placed circle of tulips and mulch here. We tore it up and grassed it over. However some of the tulips just. won't. die. Come on! I kill things I don't want to die and I can't get rid of things I want to go away! So the hubs is very graciously going to dig these suckas up and I'm going to try to replant them in the back yard. Here:

Yes, I need to move the extra lumber that has been sitting there since last fall from our deck building. But once that is done I'll have plenty of space to plant whatever plants I decide to buy (read: torture and kill)! I'm sure once the tulips are moved to where I want them they will finally die. Such are my shitty skills in gardening. Irony is a bitch.


And while I am replanting these things that will soon die, Wade will be working on our ghetto fence! He'll tear this sucka down and replace it w/ a glorious fence of cedar. It will be grand. I cannot wait.So my friends, what do you all have planned for the weekend??? (I should maybe mention that in between all of the plant murdering, and who am I kidding, probably during it all, I will be drinking b/c let's face it, alcohol makes everything better...)

Have a Fabulous Friday Fruitloops!