Wordless Wednesday

Happy New Year my Internet Friends!

I Don't Do Crack, Crack Is Cheap

I stole this idea off of Exmi. The thing is to list 5 things that are your current version of crack. Stuff you can’t get enough of.

1. My new iPhone. It has internet, games, texting, GPS, camera, weather, etc. It is so fun to play with I have completely ignored my hubby (who graciously got it for me for Christmas) for the past week. Sorry hun.

2. Wine. I love wine. I’m pretty sure I am more happy with a glass of wine in my hand than any other time. The holidays allow me to splurge on my wine habit and therefore I love the holidays. What? I’m not an alcoholic. At least not that I know of. But don’t you dare threaten to take away my drink or you will unleash the beast!

3. Body lotion. The air/weather is SO super dry here in the winter my skin gets flaky and I feel like I’m going to shrivel up into nothing. I need to lather this crud on to even have some semblance of normal feel to my skin.

4. Papa John’s Garlic Butter dipping sauce. Seriously, I think they actually do put crack in this stuff. We ordered pizza from there on Sunday night when we got back in town and I basically drank this stuff it is so damn good. I just had my last piece for lunch today and was trying to figure out something good to dip in the remainder of the sauce but alas I had to toss it b/c we haven’t been to the store in ages and all I could muster up were some Cheetoh puffs and for some reason that just sounded too buttery/cheesy for me to try. I cried a little when I threw away what was left. Sob.

5. Purses. I am addicted to purses. Always have been, always will be. I have a large collection of them. My in-laws tease me about how many I have and actually gave me an old, used purse as a joke for Christmas. Unfortunately it is pretty ugly so I won’t use it. Dang it.

So what are your current addictions?

Tonight is kickboxing class. It's been awhile since we've been there due to the holidays. I'm a little nervous as to how he's going to work us. I'm sure he'll work our asses off. Well, at least that wouldn't be a bad thing. My ass is getting out of control. But really I just want to relax w/ a glass of wine. What? It's like crack to me.

I will hopefully be getting a post up on a 2008 recap, but don’t hold your breath. I’m a busy little bee here lately.

Wordless Wednesday

To the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse:

~MERRY CHRISTMAS!~

And since that one is kind of boring, here's a cute one:

* Little beggars sidled up to the bar to beg for holiday food (they will look this way the whole coming weekend).

(Sorry, I know this isn't wordless. I'll do better next time.)

Sweet Holy Crap Sack!

I got another award! I’m in utter disbelief! Katie totally made my day by giving me this award. And if you haven’t ever checked her blog out before, please make sure you do! Her posts are always so upbeat you can’t help but feel good after reading them (unlike my last rant of a post, sorry about that. You’ll be glad to know I’m over it now and am full on in the holiday spirit, it must have been PMS…) Anyway, onto the award!

Here are the rules:

1. Write a post about the award

2. Link back to the person who gave you the award

3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs for the award

4. Add links to those blogs on your blog

5. Leave a message for the nominees on their blogs

6. Name 10 honest random things about yourself

Okay, so 10 honest random things about me…
1. I wouldn’t mind moving back to Des Moines someday (like within the next 5 years). I know that sounds lame but it’s so much closer to our families. I think I will have a very hard time convincing Wade to do this and I would miss Minneapolis and the friends we have here so I question whether or not I can ever make it happen.
2. Although I love sharing my husband’s last name (and I wouldn’t trade it back) I sometimes miss my maiden name. It was so much easier to pronounce and no one ever asked me how to spell it.
3. I LOVE popcorn. Seriously, I eat it for breakfast almost every day.
4. My favorite food is Chicken Parmesan from Olive Garden. Say what you will about Olive Garden but NEVER bash their chicken parmesan. It is simply delish!
5. I know how to ride a motorcycle. Although not well. But I plan on getting better at it this summer!
6. I love going to Sturgis. I can’t wait until the first full week of August. The people watching there is THE BEST. Period.
7. I hate going to Babies ‘R Us. It is like a maze written out in a foreign language to me. I can never find a dang thing I’m looking for.
8. I sometimes question my sanity. Are other people like this? I end up determining that I am sane b/c I actually stop and think and realize it’s insane and therefore don’t do insane things (99% of the time anyway).
9. I’m sure most of you have realized by now that I have a twin sister, Kara. We are fraternal and everyone says I look like my dad and she looks like my mom. I think we both look like my mom though.
10. I’m becoming more of a homebody the older I get. This frightens me. I don’t want to be a boring old coot.

And that is 10! So I now pass the honor of this award onto the following of my favorites:

LBluca77 – She is one of the very first blogs I ever read and she had me hooked. She is the ultimate in hilarity.

Kicking You From The Inside – Kate is just trying to figure out parenting and she has a good sense of humor about it all.

A View from 5280ft – Matt is a male blogger (there aren’t enough of them out there) w/ a great sense of humor = bonus points! Plus, he likes to party.

Crissy’s Page – She talks in 3rd person and makes it hilarious and actually endearing. Who else can pull that off? Plus, she is the Queen of Fucking Everyone. *

Who Throws a Cupcake? Honestly. – Bon Don is a great blogger and she gave me my very first award so I am glad that I get to give one back to her finally! Well deserved my friend!

White-Collar Redneck – Another male blogger who is funny (who’da thunk it?) Plus I love his ‘Would Ya Wednesday’s?’ Check him out.

Wild ARS Chase – Must be something about those men. Another goodie you shouldn’t miss! (And he has an adorable dog)

And there ya have it. Make sure to check them out. They are all GREAT! I’ll probably only have a “Wordless Wednesday” post this week and then we are off for the holidays. So I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, whatever the heck you celebrate, etc, etc and I hope you all make drunken fun memories!

Happy Holidays my friends!

*I stand corrected, she is the Queen of Fucking Everything. Duh Kellie. My bad. :)

Baby it's F*#%ing cold outside

It’s currently 17 degrees out and it feels like a flipping heat wave! The past 4-5 days the high has hovered around 5 degrees so this is some serious heat. And that my friends really makes me sad. Seriously, just call me Debbie Downer. Or Sad Panda. I go by both. 17 degrees feels warm?!?! WTF? Also, I’ve been outside a total of 3 times today and I’ve almost fallen on my ass 3 times. I’m batting at 1.000. I’m so good, I’m perfect. Do you know how ridiculous I look when I "almost" fall on my ass? I think I'd rather fall all the way down b/c it would look better plopping my ass on the nasty slush covered ground than it does with me trying not to fall and my arms flailing around in the air attempting to balance myself as my feet are slipping in different directions trying to make me do something I haven't done since high school (the splits). Yes, I admit, I am a total klutz. I think it is attractive. It totally brings in the men. They are basically knocking my door down. I have to fend them off w/ my karate type moves that I learned in kickboxing.

Also, this snow/ice shit is slicker than snot. Not only do I nearly fall w/ every step I take but my car slips around corners, nearly slides through stop signs and spins out every time I attempt to move from a stopped position. Watch out pedestrians, you ARE in harms way! You’d think I was driving too fast but nope, I’m going an average of 8 mph. The plow trucks seriously suck. You’d think they’d get out and actually know how to remove snow from the roads being that this is the fricking north pole (well, ok, it’s not, but it feels like it is) but noooooo….. That would mean someone would actually know how to do their job! To top it all off some piss head cut me off today and I had to slam my brakes and attempt to stop on the slippery shit covering the street. Seriously people? Don’t you realize I WILL hit you? You cannot stop on this crap. What a stupid ass chunk. MN drivers can blow me. They are the most wretched drivers I’ve ever seen. I’m not kidding. Ask any of my friends from out of town and they swear they have almost lost their lives while driving up here to visit me.

Beware: Visiting Kellie = 71% chance of losing your life to moronic MN drivers

(Other than that I have nothing against this cold mother fucker of a state. I actually quite like it. But seriously, learn how to drive Minnesotans.)

And that is my rant for the day. Thank God I have happy hour tonight. Followed by kickboxing. Maybe kickboxing will be added to my list of things that are fun to do drunk. Or maybe it will be added to my list of things to NOT do when drunk. We will soon see I guess. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it is more fun b/c then I’d have an excuse to go to it drunk all the time. Then I'd be "living the dream". Haha! (Beth will get that quote, everyone else will probably just think it's dumb).

If this post doesn't get you in the holiday spirit then I don't know what will! Bah Humbug!

Sincerely,

Scrooge McGee :)

Wordless Wednesday

Drinking Lessons I've Learned

Things you should not do when drunk:

• Think you are a tough ass mo-fo (you could end up w/ a black and blue hand which is now turning green)


• Go shopping, including iTunes (Good for me, bad for our checkbook!)


• Dye your hair (mine has never turned out good after a few drinks)


• Handstands (you'll just fall on your head, trust me, Wade did)


• Learn how to unicycle


• Text (way too many things can go wrong w/ this situation)


• Eat entire medium pizzas from Domino’s and not share w/ anyone (I can be a greedy fat ass)


• Dance with a pool cue like you are a member of the flag squad (attractive I know)
  


• Drive (you may just forget where you parked your car, think it’s been towed, call your Dad to come pick you up only to see your car in a totally different location than where you thought it was and then have your Dad bitch you out b/c you are a stupid ass)


• Ride motorcycles (he crashed shortly after this)


• Throw up in front of your friends (oops)


• Turn into a meat-stick and pick stupid and useless fights w/ your significant other and try to move out in the middle of the night


• Take drunk pictures w/ a camera you found at a wedding only to figure out who it belonged to and give it back to them before remembering to erase the pictures


• Address Christmas cards (unless you have a lot of extra envelopes!)


• Climb up/down things (this quickly became a very scary situation for me)


• Eat pickled eggs (or pickled anything for that matter, nastiness overload, I about vomited 5 seconds after this picture was taken)


• Pee on my coffee table (or anywhere in my house other than a toilet)


• Get a tattoo

Things that are more fun when you are drunk:

• Video games (anyone up for some drunk Wii or Big Buck Hunter???)


• Dressing like a pimp


• Lipsynching to 80's songs (Madonna's greatest hits is my personal favorite)


• Walking in the cold/snow (somehow you just don’t feel the cold)


• Pretending you have short penis straw arms
  


• Eating (everything tastes SO DAMN GOOD!)


• Skinny dipping (sorry no pictures of this!)


• Putting makeup on your passed out friends (they look SO pretty!)


• Hiding in foliage


• Dancing


• Wearing fake facial hair


• Meeting new people


• Drawing fake tattoos on people


• Sticking your head out of the window while driving


• Working out (Katie really worked her pecs!)


• Taking pictures of your drunk passed out husband


• Hiding a deck of cards w/ pictures of naked men on them all over your friends house (sorry Tony & Tera! Look very closely at the center of the fridge...)


• Tailgating!!!


• Cooking (this could also fit on the top list but since I don’t cook much, I go by the saying “I like to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food”)


• Beer bongs (duh)
  
  


• Putting pool cue chalk on your face


• Wrestling


• Cake fights


• Okay, you got me, just about EVERYTHING is more fun when you've been drinking

So, what do you guys have to add to either of these lists???

All I Want For Christmas...

There are some GREAT things out there this year that are just in time for Christmas. I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you all. These will range from the extravagant (read: I will never buy it unless I hit the lottery) to the cheap (read: I could buy it myself, but it's much more fun to have someone else buy it for me).

• A sweater dress; I found this one on Amazon.com. So cute! But there are a ton others out there that I love as well.

• This cute braided tank from Victoria's Secret; perfect for layering or wearing alone

• New tall black boots; these are Steve Madden but there are SO many cute ones out there this season

• Wii Fit so I can get my rear in better shape!


• ISU golf club head covers (I know, kind of lame, but I need new ones so badly! I need to look cool on the golf course!)



• iPhone; my Razr just isn’t cutting it anymore!

• Apple MacBook; our computer at home has zero memory left and sounds like a plane is taking off

• Steven by Steve Madden Ruched Satin Pump; very sexy


• Black diamond jewelry; here is one option although I won’t discriminate, I love pretty much all of it!
• Another Chihuahua puppy = Adorable!

• A large body pillow (squashing my blanket to form a lump isn't working too well)
  
• Ruffle Prada Purse (seriously, how cute is this? I wish my bank account could handle it!)

• These fringe T-strap heels by Colin Stuart at Victoria's Secret are so unique and stylish
  

So what are some things on your wish list this holiday season?

Fa La La La Frenchman's!

My lady co-workers and I had our annual Christmas happy hour/gift exchange last night at Frenchman's. The best dive bar around. I mean just check out their light display. You can't beat that ambiance. Totally awesome.

And I had the world's worst headache this morning due to consuming one too many Raspberry Stoli/Sprites and a Purple Monkey shot. So I didn't come into work until noon. I am a lazy bitch. I love it.

Wordless Wednesday

So technically this specific post is not wordless, but in the future they will be. I got this idea from a fellow blogger, Exmi, and I liked it.

Enjoy!