(Not) Wordless Wednesday

For all of you wondering if Robert is still here...

Yes, he is and he is keeping an eye on my house while I work. Talk about a home security system! How many of you can say you have a vampire guarding your house!?!? How awesome am I?

(I'm going to have to start titling all my Wednesday posts (Not) Wordless Wednesday from now on b/c I can't seem to keep my yapper shut. It's too hard!!!)

Jamie Foxx, how do you know me so well? Are you stalking me? Should I be creeped out?

Have any of you seen The Family Guy episode where Peter finds a genie and one of his wishes is to have theme music playing for him all day? I recently just heard the song that would be my theme song.

Blame it on the Alcohol - by Jamie Foxx (feat. T-Pain)

Don't get me wrong, the song pretty much blows major goat ass and the lyrics don’t all fit b/c most of them have to do w/ some chic getting drunk and horney and hitting up on dem and making der pants get “bigga”. But the point of blaming it on the alcohol is all about me.

Fall down the stairs? Blame it on the alcohol.

Spill on my shirt? Blame it on the alcohol.

Dance on the bar? Blame it on the alcohol.

Throw up at the table? Blame it on the alcohol.

Eat an entire pizza yourself? Blame it on the alcohol.

Shove gyros in bitchy girl’s face? Blame it on the alcohol.

Pee in McDonald’s parking lot? Blame it on the alcohol.

Think Carrot Top is hot? Blame it on the alcohol. No wait, blame that one on insanity.

Really, the list could go on and on.

So what would be your theme song? And what would you blame on the alcohol?

Remember how I told you I was painting the kitchen last weekend...

Well, I just finally finished it. Talk about a shit load of work. Damn. I don't think I realized what I was getting myself into otherwise I would have NEVER agreed to it. Anyway, here are the before and after pictures. We painted the wainscoting and cabinets "Bison Brown" and the walls "Rhythmic Blue". So you tell me, did I make a wise decision in the update? We still need to put the hardware on the cabinets and put the trim up around the door, but other than that we are DONE! Thank you Baby Jesus!

Before - WAY too much tan. Ew.

After - More color and more light!

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. Assuming the weather holds out and there is no rain we are heading down to Macomb, IL for a race. Ah, yes. Wade's racing season has started. I'm so super duper excited. (Can you sense my sarcasm in that?) :)

Happy Friday!

Wordless Wednesday

I don't have nearly enough photos of Kobe's cousin, Otis on here so, enjoy!

I'm Like A Bird, I Want To Fly Away

As some of you may recall me telling you, we recently moved on up to the 23rd floor in our office building. The views are spectacular and everything is new which is great. Another cool aspect of being this far up is that there are falcons that are nesting on top of the building. Every spring some falcon lover(s) comes to our building, kidnaps the babies, tags them, makes love to them, fondles them* and has a naming ceremony in our building. (I’m not sure why the falcons keep coming back here with all the trauma they are put through, but nonetheless, they do).

Since we are only one floor from the top we sometimes get the pleasure of hearing their screeching and watching them soar by. Every now and then I look out and see feathers floating past the windows to the ground. I always thought they must be pruning themselves so that they look good for the upcoming bikini season. However, the other week while walking out to my car I noticed something that made me realize that these falling feathers most likely do not belong to these dear falcons of ours.

Instead they belong to their prey.

That’s right the falcons are picking off lovely little birds flying past our building at an amazing rate. How do I know this, you ask? Well, lying right next to my car on the parking lot concrete was a severed wing. Ew, gross, gag. I was going to take a picture of it for your viewing pleasure but there were a lot of people walking past and well, believe it or not, my weirdness does have a limit and I have to work w/ these people.

Now I’m just praying that one of these little severed body parts NEVER lands on my car. I think I may just vomit.

* I’m just kidding about 2 of those things that are done to the babies. They really aren’t tagged or named. That would just be cruel.

Twilight, Twibright, the First Twi I See Tonight...

Late last week I got a “visitor”. This visitor was sent to me by the wonderful BWP for winning her cat naming contest and I am so lucky. Seriously, best prize ever. (And I'm aware that I say seriously a lot but get over it b/c I'm totally serious). Anyway, you guys are going to be so super jealous. I contemplated not even telling you at all. But fuck it. I like to gloat.

Robert Pattinson came to visit me.

That’s right. Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame!!!

And he’s staying for however long I want!!!

And he’s just as hot in person as he is on screen!!!

And really for all you naysayers out there claiming he is smelly and dirty I can honestly say he isn’t dirty. He’s quite clean actually. And he isn’t smelly. He smells like…well, like cardboard. Kind of odd, but whatever it’s not like it’s a nasty smell.

Anyway, my neighbor, Beth, is in super duper love w/ Robert. I know, I know. Most chics dig him. Regardless, I called her over to come meet him and get a photo op and look at where she grabbed him! In-a-pro-priate! :)

What a dirty lil neighbor I have! :) Although I really can’t blame her. I will be grabbing up on that for days (or months, or years, whichever I want!) b/c he’s ALL mine! Yay! Robert is mine to stay!

I'm going to bake him cookies and take him on walks with Kobe. We'll go shopping together at the Galleria and bike around Lake Calhoun. I'm even going to watch High School Musical 2 with him! It's going to be so super rad!

I hope the hubs doesn’t get jealous…

Home Improvement or Purses? What's a Woman To Do?!?!

So I’ve been eyeing some bags lately & wishing I had some extra cash to splurge on some of these beauties for spring:
CK Ikat Pocket Shopper
See by Chloe Daytripper Zipped Tote
CK Tangerine Glazed Leather Hobo Bag
CK Women's Leather Stitched Hobo Bag
B. Makowsky Florence Shopper
See by Chloe Women's Medium Punch Line Tote
Aren't they so cute and springy? And some of them are actually very reasonably priced but I’m not going to do it. I'm going to "just say no"! But I have a fever & the only thing that can cure it is…purses? Or more cowbell. Either way. Regardless, the point behind me attempting to save money right now is so that I can get my house looking like it belongs on HGTV instead of in the ghetto. Why would my house look like it belongs in the ghetto, you ask? Well, for your viewing pleasure, 3 projects that we have not made any progress on in a very long time:

Project 1 - Kitchen Patio Door
We installed a new patio door in September 2007. That’s right. 2007. Well over a year ago. And ever since then it’s looked like this:
This has been delayed for way way way too long but not any more! We are going to finish this up this weekend! That’s right! I finally pestered, bugged, poked, prodded & annoyed the hubs long enough (w/ some help from the parents last weekend) that he has agreed to work on it this weekend! Yay! Soon my kitchen will no longer look like it's pieced together by tape and mud!!! Unfortunately, that means home improvement work this weekend & no drunken debauchery. The things I sacrafice. Boo… :(

Project 2 - Backyard
We built this great deck & installed stepping stones last fall & I can’t wait to use it this spring! We even have new patio furniture to use so no one has to bring over their own chairs! Awesome right? Not so awesome however is what the side yard looks like. For some reason Wade started tearing down our ugly, old & rotting fence that provides privacy between our neighbors house & ours prior to us actually having a new fence to put in it’s place. When I caught him mid-tear down I screamed at him to stop b/c I want some privacy still, thus leaving our side yard looking like this... A mega shit hole. I call this our ghetto fence. We will not be getting to this over the weekend (unfortunately) but I have to save up some money for it nonetheless. I’m sure our fairly new next door neighbors love looking at this atrocity every day & probably wonder why the hell we have a giant hole in our fence. I am hoping upon hope & wishing upon stars that we will have it fixed up by the end of the month. I’ve got my fingers crossed, am counting my lucky stars & am searching for 4-leafed clovers. I’m also going to start eating Lucky Charms non-stop.

Project 3 - Finish Half Story into Master Bedroom
This was one of our very first projects & by far the most time & money consuming of them all. We tore out the existing ugliness... (Yikes, right?) & rebuilt the walls, installed new lighting, built a new railing, built a walk-in closet & put in new carpeting. We finished up w/ all of this well over a year ago in December 2007. All that was left to do was install the trim around the floors, windows & doors & to fix up the built in drawers that are in the walls. You’d think we could get that done being that the majority of the room is complete, but nope. It’s been sitting like this for a year & half. Pretty nice, eh?

Anyway, after the above items are finished we still need to install new windows on the back side of the house, do a complete bathroom re-haul & replace the kitchen cabinets. I really just want to get some shit finished so that it actually looks like we are investing money into our house & making it nicer instead of just letting it sit & look like a shit pile. I’ve put my foot down & said no more new projects can be started until we finish the 3 listed above which will hopefully cause the hubs to work toward completing them. He has a bad habit of starting something, getting it mostly done, getting bored with it all & then starting something new that is more interesting. Can you say ADD much? Anyway, now you can see why I need to watch my spending. Although what I REALLY want to buy is this…
Cole Haan Huarache Triangle Tote

What? I have an addiction. I heard the first step is admitting I have a problem…

(Not) Wordless Wednesday

Last weekend when the family was here we were looking through our wedding pictures and I thought I'd share one w/ you all. The photographer had asked us to pretend we were running. This is our lame attempt. We totally don't look like we're running, but it makes for a funny picture!

Husband: Fail

Last night I asked my husband to say something funny so that I would have something to humor you all today on my blog b/c I have a serious lack of funny right now and I'm always looking out for the interest of my readers. Here is what he gave me as I'm sitting at the computer and he is playing Mario Kart:



"You're a fucking computer dork who doesn't know shit about computers."
Sorry guys. Blame it on the hubs. It’s the weekend and all I can think of right now is getting my mouth wrapped around a cock. A cocktail! Come on you pervies! Get your heads out of the gutter. (No wait, don't. I don't want to be the only one w/ my head down there.) :)


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However, in other muy importante news, my BBF Bon Don gave me the bestest award!

This award is kick ass. Don't deny it! And yes, you can all be jealous. I would be. Bon Don is a rock star and I would be lost w/o her and her sparkly eyes. She totally lights up my life and spins me right round baby, right round. In all seriousness, she really is sweet ass blogger. So go check her out when you get a moment.

And w/ that I'm off like a prom dress. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. Mine will consist of cleaning my car and drinking a lot. Wow. That is one hectic (read: lazy) weekend I've got going on! What do you all have planned?

Wordless Wednesday

Yes, this was found by my porch after all the snow melted. It's from Halloween and it's very soggy and gross. It will stay there b/c I'm NOT touching it.